Funny stories and jokes - Volume 9 - Money, Business, Law, Criminal and Justice

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See talk page for more info. When a child turns 12, he should be kept in a barrel and fed through the bunghole, until he reaches Attributed to Twain but never sourced, this quotation should not be regarded as authentic. Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, "It was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.

See also autobiography, vol. Warm summer sun, shine kindly here; Warm southern wind, blow softly here; Green sod above, lie light, lie light — Good-night, dear heart, good-night, good-night. Epitaph for his daughter, Olivia Susan Clemens , this is actually a slight adaptation of the poem "Annette" by Robert Richardson ; more details are available at "The Poem on Susy Clemens' Headstone" The minority is always in the right. The majority is always in the wrong. Attributed to Twain, but never sourced.

Suspiciously close to "A minority may be right, and the majority is always in the wrong. Often attributed to Twain, but he said it was attributed to Benjamin Disraeli and this itself is probably a misattribution: see Lies, damned lies, and statistics and Leonard H. Twain did, however, popularize this saying in the United States. His attribution is in the following passage from Twain's Autobiography , Vol. The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. Often attributed to Twain, but of unknown origin. The thermometer stands at about seventy degrees the year round.

It hardly changes at all. You sleep under one or two light blankets Summer and Winter, and never use a mosquito bar. Nobody ever wears Summer clothing. You wear black broadcloth--if you have it--in August and January, just the same. It is no colder, and no warmer, in the one month than the other.

You do not use overcoats and you do not use fans. It is as pleasant a climate as could well be contrived, take it all around, and is doubtless the most unvarying in the whole world. The wind blows there a good deal in the summer months, but then you can go over to Oakland, if you choose--three or four miles away--it does not blow there. Golf is a good walk spoiled. Scrivener attributes the aphorism to "my good friends the Allens". Reference from Quote Investigator. I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

Often misattributed to Twain, this is actually by Blaise Pascal , "Lettres provinciales", letter 16, Je n'ai fait celle-ci plus longue que parce que je n'ai pas eu le loisir de la faire plus courte. Translation: I have only made this [letter] longer, because I have not had the opportunity to make it shorter. Whiskey is for drinking. Water is for fighting over. It seems likely that the attribution to Twain is apocryphal.

It is not listed as authentic on Twainquotes , and is not listed at all in either R. Barber's Quotable Twain A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. According to R. Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Notes on sourcing Twain did say: "There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather that compels the stranger's admiration — and regret. The weather is always doing something there … In the spring I have counted one hundred and thirty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.

Yes, one of the brightest gems in the New England weather is the dazzling uncertainty of it. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. This quote has been attributed to Mark Twain, but the attribution cannot be verified. The quote should not be regarded as authentic. I Love You' ' by H. Jackson Brown. Our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India. Often attributed to Twain online, but unsourced.

Alternate source: "The whole principle [of censorship] is wrong. It's like demanding that grown men live on skim milk because the baby can't have steak. It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

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Ward, et al. For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. When news of the vulnerability broke, Xbox owners rushed to get their consoles JTAGed by services that materialized overnight.

For Pokora and Clark, it was an opportunity to cash in. They hacked the Call of Duty series of military-themed shooters to create so-called modded lobbies—places on Xbox Live where Call of Duty players could join games governed by reality-bending rules. Pokora was initially reluctant to sell infections: He knew his turbocharged clients would slaughter their hapless opponents, a situation that struck him as contrary to the spirit of gaming. There were so many customers that he and Clark had to hire employees to deal with the madness.

Berlin quotes money heist

Swept up in the excitement of becoming an entrepreneur, Pokora forgot all about his commitment to fairness. It was one more step down a ladder he barely noticed he was descending. Microsoft tried to squelch breaches like the Call of Duty cheats by launching an automated system that could detect JTAGed consoles and ban them.

Pokora reveled in the perks of his success.


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He still lived with his parents, but he paid his tuition as he entered the University of Toronto in the fall of Pokora knew there was a whiff of the illegal about his Call of Duty business, which violated numerous copyrights. Activision did send a series of cease-and-desist letters, but the company never followed through on its threats.

Dylan Wheeler, a hacker in Perth, Australia, whose alias was SuperDaE, knew that something juicy had fallen into his lap. An American friend of his who went by the name Gamerfreak had slipped him a password list for the public forums operated by Epic Games , a Cary, North Carolina, game developer known for its Unreal and Gears of War series.

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Once he had a toehold at Epic, Wheeler wanted a talented partner to help him sally deeper into the network. What Wheeler was proposing was substantially shadier than anything Pokora had attempted before: It was one thing to download Halo maps from the semipublic PartnerNet and quite another to break into a fortified private network where a company stores its most sensitive data.

In June Nesheiwat downloaded a prerelease copy of Gears of War 3 from Epic, along with hundreds of gigabytes of other software. Pokora shared the game with several friends, including his dev kit customer Justin May; within days a copy showed up on the Pirate Bay, a notorious BitTorrent site. The Gears of War 3 leak triggered a federal investigation, and Epic began working with the FBI to determine how its security had been breached.

Having survived their first brush with the law, the hackers felt emboldened—the brazen Wheeler most of all. Wriggling through those poorly secured tunnels was no great challenge, though Pokora was wary of leaving behind too many digital tracks. As the scale of their enterprise increased, the hackers discussed what they should do if the FBI came knocking.

The group also cracked jokes about what they should call their prison gang. Pokora was becoming ever more infatuated with his forays into corporate networks, and his old friends from the Xbox scene feared for his future. Kevin Skitzo, a Team Avalaunch hacker, urged him to pull back from the abyss.

But as technology progresses and law enforcement gets more aware, you can only dodge that bullet for so long. But Pokora was too caught up in the thrill of stockpiling forbidden software to heed this advice. Though he was turning cocky as he swung from network to network without consequence, Pokora still took pride in how little he cared about money. It could have already been easily an easy fifty grand. But with each passing week, Pokora became a little bit more mercenary. Pokora was willing to deliver any titles Xboxdevguy desired for a few hundred dollars each.


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They knew that May had been arrested at a Boston gaming convention in March for trying to download the source code for the first-person shooter Breach. By the spring of , Pokora and Wheeler were focused on pillaging the network of Zombie Studios. The hackers were also busy tormenting Microsoft, stealing documents that contained specs for an early version of the Durango, the codename for the next-generation Xbox—a machine that would come to be known as the Xbox One.

Rather than sell the documents to a Microsoft competitor, the hackers opted for a more byzantine scheme: They would counterfeit and sell a Durango themselves, using off-the-shelf components. Leroux volunteered to do the assembly in exchange for a cut of the proceeds; he needed money to pay for online computer science classes at the University of Maryland. But the Durango never arrived at its destination. When the buyer complained, paranoia set in: Had the FBI intercepted the shipment? Were they now all under surveillance?

I. The Bumper

The answer he came up with was to go down in a blaze of glory, to do things that would ensure his place in Xbox lore. Wheeler launched his campaign for notoriety by posting a Durango for sale on eBay, using photographs of the one that Leroux had built. Infuriated by the media attention the saga generated, Pokora cut off contact with Wheeler. Americans close to Pokora began to tell him they were being tailed by black cars with tinted windows.

The hackers suspected there might be an informant in their midst.